Episode 131: Raising Luminaries: Frazzled Is a Choice – How to Stop Making It

October 6, 2022


And if you’ve tuned into our most recent three-part series, you know that we’re working really hard to help you have the tools and to equip you to beat overwhelm in all categories of your life, once and for all. 

But sometimes, when the heaviness or the busyness of doing it all becomes your norm, your family starts to mirror that rhythm. Nothing upsets the creative process or potential for growth than a frazzled family. So today, we’re coming at it from the angle of a founder-family, an entrepreneurial family who is called to more but is spread a little too thin, and they can’t see their way there. Today is all about giving you some relief and some focus for you, for your kids, for your family.

Let’s raise them up right!


[2:17] Frazzled Is a Choice

What we’re talking about today isn’t raising perfectly polished kids who speak when spoken to and tidy themselves up for every public outing. We’re talking about the idea of being frazzled as a family, about the energy of being frazzled. The detriment of living on the hamster wheel and having no plans of getting off is what perpetuates the state of being frazzled. When operating by a set of standards and actions that keep you out of reach of how you really want to operate and feel. 

To me, frazzled is a choice. No matter how much you have on your plate, the frazzled piece is a choice. There will be seasons, there will be times in life, there will be certain families that just naturally have a buttload of stuff happening but what is on your back does not equal the energy and the state of how you operate. When you’re feeling frazzled, when you’re in that state, it’s because you’re missing clarity and focus. So today we’re going to help take your family from frazzled to laser focused. And I’m going to challenge you to go get the free guide that we created for ourselves years ago that changed everything for us, for our family and our business. It’s a 30 minute game plan that’ll help you gain that clarity, to start to tactically reduce that overwhelm and make space to live your vision as a wildly successful family-first entrepreneur, because I know how important that is to you. So if you want to get ahead of the game, snag our free guide at 

[7:23] The Essence 

I really want to emphasize how much of what I’m describing is not about perfectly curating your life or your family’s life, or putting that pressure on your family. A lot of people think that if they have an organized home or perfect schedule to follow, all of a sudden everything’s just going to get easier and they’re not going to be operating in that chaotic feeling. But that’s not the essence of what I’m talking about.

A couple of years ago we decided we were going to homeschool. It wasn’t even as much of a decision, as it was a calling for our family. And last year, we kind of just jumped into it. If you wanted to see frazzled, you could have seen it by watching us navigate this whole new world. This year, I decided that it’s going to be different. I’m going to look on Pinterest, I’m going to find beautiful homeschool spaces, I’m going to create that in my home. But I realized that what I wanted wasn’t going to come from a perfectly organized space, it wasn’t going to come from an adorable little homeschool room, it wasn’t even going to come from separating our dining area from where we homeschool. God was softening my heart to the idea of craving more family and creating a heartbeat of our home, one where everything can be happening together. 

All of a sudden it clicked for me- I want a heart of our home. I wanted that space, the dining area where we eat, break bread, talk and connect to be that heart of our home. That’s where we’re going to school. And that’s where we schooled last year from a frantic chaotic space. And although we’re going to be in the same exact location, we’re not going to be frantic and chaotic because we’re choosing it, it’s very intentional for us. 

[11:14] You Have to Stop 

There’s this one thing that I do with all of my top level clients, and they usually hate it at first, but then it changes their lives forever. And then they love me for it. 

When you’re so busy and when you have so much going on, and you’ve got that chaotic nature happening, that you can’t even fathom doing anything but going faster and doing more. That’s exactly when I ask you to stop. Not just slow down, not just change the pace, but stop. Hit the freaking brake, do whatever you have to do to stop the dang vehicle. 

Being overwhelmed comes from being in your stressed out brain, choosing to stay there and taking that energy and putting it into stressed out action, thinking that you’re doing yourself a favor. Until you pump the brakes and give yourself the space to choose a new way of operating, this will be your standard operating procedure. 

So stop, but stop with great intention. If you are in that state, and you’re starting to see it bleed into your family and you would describe your family as chaotic or frazzled, I challenge you to pick a starting point where you stop and you build in the margin to acknowledge what is not working, what is creating this energy, and what needs to change. If it’s an hour of time, great. If it’s a day, great. If it’s five days, great. Because you have to stop.

[13:30] The Next Steps   

Then the next piece within that margin is claiming what you want. Take the time to call your shot. What do you want? How do you want it to be different? What are you afraid to even say aloud because you feel like it’s not available to you and your family? Claim what you want, say it aloud, write it on paper. 

The next piece is shifting the operating system. Keep in mind that this takes a little time. Maybe it’s in your business or maybe it’s in how you operate in your home. See what changes you need to make. 

Once you shift the operating system which is kind of the tangible tactical piece of it, then you shift the energy. Because it starts with you.

Then you commit. And it’s as simple as: “I commit to this. I do not function that way any longer. This is how I function.”

And then finally, you get back up on the horse every time you mess it up, because you will mess it up.

[16:25] Why This Is Important 

Why is this so critical? Because this is the energy with which you’re raising and impacting your children. It’s what they’re learning at a core level. It starts at the top, it starts with you. You don’t get to be two different people leading in two different worlds. You don’t get to be frantic in your business and then you get to come home and be the calm, present parent that you want to be. That energy permeates everything because it’s permeated you. That’s why it’s a choice. That’s why you have to claim what you want and then actually change the systems you’re operating in. 

We’ve lived in this frantic nature for a long time and this process changed everything for us, which is why we’ve brought it to you. So, make sure you download our free guide Frazzled to Focused at Only those who get that free guide are going to be the ones who know what to do next, because we have something really special coming, and it’s only available by downloading this guide. 

I hope this episode helps give you some relief for you, for your kids, for your family so you can get out of the frazzled, chaotic life and step into clarity and focus.

We would love it if you would subscribe and leave us a review! And come connect with me on Instagram at @elizhartke and if there’s a topic, a question or a guest you want to hear on the show or an idea you have for us, just reach out and share that.

We do this for you so the more you tell us the more we can serve!


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