Episode 85: Raising Luminaries: Are You Comparing Yourself to The Wrong People? Do This Instead!

April 28, 2022


Do you sometimes look around at other business owners who are raising their kids, and you wonder how on earth they’re doing it the way that they’re doing it? How are they seemingly writing the books, getting the opportunities and making the money all while making healthy lunches that they’re sending off with their kids to school or having the downtime with their kids?

We all know that comparison is the thief of joy, so in today’s episode we’re going a lot deeper than that. Who and what are you really comparing yourself to? Having a barometer isn’t a bad thing, but if it’s measuring the wrong metrics, you can get pretty off course relatively quickly, leaving you feeling like you’re behind in business or failing your kids. 

All that stops today because we’re going to have a revealing, powerful, shifting conversation. 

P.S. We’re also sharing something really special with you today that’s been in the works for a long time! 

Let’s raise them up right!


[2:37] Comparing to the Wrong People

Do you ever want to roll your eyes when people talk about having it all?

You witness these people, usually online, and it drives you nuts because you’re wondering, what are you missing? How is it that they’re able to do what they’re doing so gracefully, and so well when you’re over here grinding, feeling guilty when you’re working and stressed when you’re not? 

We know that we shouldn’t compare our lives to people’s “highlight reels” on social media. But as people with two major callings on our hearts, our businesses and our families, are we setting ourselves up for failure and setting an impossible standard by comparing not only to “highlight reels”, but “highlight reels” from people who are either crushing it in business but completely failing at home or they’re killing it at home, but they don’t have the calling or the purpose outside the home to contend with?

We have a deep desire to show up in the world and use our gifts in our businesses and use our businesses to help us in raising our babies into happy thriving successful kids. But, we’re comparing ourselves to the wrong people. We’re measuring with the wrong tool, we’re measuring the wrong metrics. 

[4:38] Living the Dream 

Here’s the thing, you might have that thriving business, you might have the beautiful family on paper, you might have all the things you roll your eyes to. You might have it all in your possession but it doesn’t feel like it. It doesn’t feel like you’ve reached the dream life. The one that you envisioned for yourself when you got started. 

You bust your tail building a meaningful, profitable business, you work crazy hours, you start your days in your inbox, you’ve reached many levels of professional success you set out to achieve yet you’re still unsatisfied, and frankly not very happy. You’re not happy because deep down you know you’re not modeling a life of purpose, freedom, leadership and legacy that you want to hand on to your children.

You switch hats from parent to entrepreneur and back again so quickly, you probably could perform a one person play at this point and do a pretty damn good job at it. You are doing it all, you have it all, you are living the dream. So why does it feel so hard? 

[6:35] All the Important Things 

I remember during my short corporate career in marketing, I had these big dreams of moving up the corporate ladder. I was so competitive. I was looking at my boss and I wanted to be able to elevate up into his role. I was comparing myself to him.

But then I had a really humbling conversation with a family member who I trust immensely and he asked me to tell him more about this person that I was comparing myself to. So, I started to talk about my boss’s role, his paycheck, the corporate car, all the important things for a 22-year old. And then he asked me if I knew what my boss’s values were, if he’s married and if he has kids. As I was talking about him heading for a divorce and working countless hours, I realized at that moment that I was comparing myself and working towards something that I don’t even stand for, that I don’t even want, that doesn’t even align with my values. I was pushing for the wrong things, things that didn’t even align with who I’m called to be.

[8:40] What Lies Under the Surface 

We live in a world where we naturally compare. It’s impossible not to, it’s in our face all day. You’d have to be superhuman to not see something and start to judge it and think about it in your mind as to how it applies to you. That’s comparison. 

We’re so bombarded with images and videos and conversations and whatever it might be of how other people are doing things. But we’re not allowed access to what’s under the surface. We don’t get to see how they got to where they are in business and what that did to their marriage or how they got there and the guilt they feel for not being present with their kids all those years.

[10:35] Create a Life That Feels Better Than It Looks

My challenge to you is to stop trying to craft a life that looks better than it feels. That’s what social media calls us to do. That’s what’s leaving people so depressed, so anxious and so unfulfilled. Instead, flip it on its head – craft a life that feels better than it looks. 

So much of what we’re seeing is a freaking illusion. We’re comparing ourselves to something that isn’t a true representation of reality in its entirety. That’s massively problematic. I don’t care about a curated feed. I’m not dedicating my life to being a Pinterest mom. When I make my kids lunch, I don’t take a picture of it and share it on the internet because there’s 0% prettiness to it. I’m feeding my kid nourishing food. 

As an entrepreneur, you’ve chosen a different path for your family and if you’re trying to separate them, you’re gonna constantly feel split. This is not just a season, you are different, you are called to do it differently. Society expects you to sacrifice your goals and dreams for the sake of your kids. The entrepreneurial world expects you to sacrifice your family for the sake of your dreams and goals, but you don’t really buy into either front. 

So, where do you live in all this and who are your people?

[14:35] Raising Luminaries (CO-OP)

It’s not about just finding the right people who share your values that you can then compare to. It’s about finding people that you can cooperate with, that you can work in collaboration with, who are going to be your people arm in arm as you go on this crusade with so much stacked against you. 

Your call in your life is to integrate these worlds of business and family and to raise your kids up in leadership as you do it. As a company we want to support you in this, which is why we decided to create a home for people like us. We’re calling it the Raising Luminaries CO(OP) and we will be sharing so much more about this in the coming weeks. But for now, if any of this spoke to you, I’d like to invite you to join our waitlist at https://luminaryleadershipco.com/coop to make sure you don’t miss the big news. 

I hope today’s episode gave you what you need to stop comparing yourself to the wrong people. And if you are looking for the right kind of people who will support you on your journey of entrepreneurship and parenthood, make sure to sign up to our waitlist at https://luminaryleadershipco.com/coop. 

Come connect with me on Instagram at @elizhartke and if there’s a topic, a question or a guest you want to hear on the show or an idea you have for us, just reach out and share that.

We do this for you so the more you tell us the more we can serve!


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