Episode 79: Raising Luminaries: Influencing vs. Influenced – Where Does Your Child Land?

April 7, 2022

WOULDN’T IT BE NICE IF OUR KIDS COULD RISE ABOVE ALL THE NOISE and not be swayed by what everyone else is doing or saying? And instead know who they are and lean into the impact that they’re called to make, whatever that might look like for them. 

I have that vision for my kids.

But I also live in reality and I know what we’re up against. I know they’ll struggle, I know they’ll face the temptations of blending in with the masses or making choices based on what other people are doing. I get that. But the goal is to help them get to a place where they are confident in who they are, know where they’re being guided, and they have the tools and the modeling from us to make choices that are going to cause a positive ripple effect instead of being swept up in that current. 

So, today’s episode is dedicated to helping us as parents and leaders both to model and to instill the necessary tools, values and perspectives, to raise leaders who are influencing their environments more than being influenced by them. 

Let’s raise them up right!


[2:42] Get Yourself to Camp Luminary!

If you haven’t thought of joining  Camp Luminary, I want to let you know what it’s all about. First of all, we have upleveled it. It now includes the very first mastermind for entrepreneurial parents and their kids.

I understand what it feels like to feel guilty when you are working, like you should be with the kids-  and then stressed when you are with the kids because you should be working. And on top of that, feeling like you are at max capacity, just stressed and spread thin and hurried and you know it’s not the life you want to live. You know that’s not what’s best for your kids. But how do you get out of it?

And then you look at your kids and you wonder- Are they being influenced by their environment? Are we  even connected anymore? Am I even able to influence them positively to support them to tap into who they are called to be? I see insecurities rising up but I want them to be confident and courageous. So how do I do that?

This experience at Camp is literally going to have you come into camp one way and leave as a different person, as a different family. We are designing  Camp to have the mastermind lead up to camp and then bookend you coming out of it. This is the only time we are going to include a mastermind with Camp Luminary so I hope you will take advantage!

This is an investment in your family’s future. This is an investment in your quality of life and your calling. This is  an investment in your children. You will learn what is required of you, what tools you need to  equip yourself to model leadership for your children so they can become the leaders they are called to be.

We have amazing guest speakers lined up. You won’t believe the people you are going to be sitting at picnic tables with – a lot of people’s podcasts you listen to or you have seen them speak on stage. It’s going to be a special, life-changing weekend.

Get yourself to Camp! Go to luminaryleadershipco.com/camp to sign up!

Rooms are going super fast so if this is on your heart, if you feel called to this- be there with us!

[5:32] Being Influencers vs Being Influenced 

So much of what I teach and do is really “caught not taught”.

I say this phrase all the time because it’s so accurate. I was just so blessed to be raised in a family where so many of these values and leadership skills were just modeled for us; 

When I think of this, I think of my aunt, who was another mother to me and still is. She has eight children and did the most beautiful job raising them to be influencers in their environment versus being manipulated by and influenced by the environment.

So what was it that really set them apart and made them the people who they are today; people who are incredible contributors to society, and who are also not being swayed by what’s going on in the world? 

Witnessing my aunt and being a lucky recipient of many of the things that she taught her own children, I wanted to share with you some of the takeaways.

[8:12] Family Attachment More Than Peer Attachment

Family attachment more than peer attachment. 

What do I mean by this? 

My aunt and uncle set up an environment that facilitated opportunities for connection within the family and family really was the hub. Today, a lot of kids are split so much between school and activities. They’re always on the go, that there’s such little time where they’re really rooted in family and on top of that, because of their devices, they have access to their peers even when they’re home. 

Kids today are connecting more with their peers than their own family, which is not how it’s designed to go. Their peers are just as immature in their brains as they are, it’s like blind leading the blind. Those kids are being guided by other kids who are being guided by other kids who just haven’t fully grown and developed themselves yet and it can be a scary thing. 

One of the things that my aunt did so beautifully is she created an environment where we wanted to be there. We wanted to be immersed among the adults. They allowed us to be a part of the adult conversations. They challenged us knowing that we’re smart, but that we still had a lot of growth to be had. Dinners were around the table together and weekends were spent with family.

The more that you can create opportunities where you can be the influence in your child’s life more than their peers, the more possibility you have to be that influence and to teach them these things and to help them develop confidence. Peer attachment brings a lot of comparison. There’s a reason that child’s suicide is on the rise. There’s a reason that depression, anxiety, and all those different things are on the rise, it’s because kids are sitting there scrolling, looking at other people’s “perfect” lives and being influenced by that, when it’s not even reality. 

[11:25] Giveaway Time! Get Your Business Question Answered by Me 

We’re celebrating the new season of the Luminary Leadership Podcast with an exciting opportunity for you as a potential lucky winner!

From April 4th through April 15th, you can enter into a drawing to submit your most pressing business questions to me. I’ve been doing this for a decade and I love coaching people but usually the only way you can have access to me for something like this is through my programs and my masterminds, but this time you will get it for free. I will give you my breakthrough feedback and send it to you so that you can have that next level launching pad into where you’re called to next. So, if you’re ready to make some massive progress and see huge growth in your business in a quick time frame, here’s your chance. 

All you have to do to enter is rate and review the show in Apple Podcasts. Once you’ve done that, you’re going to take a screenshot of the review and email it to [email protected]. If you’ve already rated and reviewed the show, first of all thank you. We want you to have a chance to get this giveaway too, so just share this episode on your socials and tag me @elizhartke and you will be entered into this giveaway. 

[14:32] Tough Conversations

The second thing that was a part of those moments as a family were tough conversations about what we were witnessing. 

They never sheltered us as kids. It was never “Don’t let them see these other kids doing these other things.” Whatever we witnessed, we could always bring it home to a safe environment with people who could facilitate a conversation. We would have conversations about what is happening in the world, about what is happening in school, about what the kids are seeing.

It wasn’t just making us live by the set of rules. It was always a discussion, a dialogue. What did you think about that? How did it make you feel? If you were in that situation, what would you have done? It was about getting us to think critically and to think about consequences, not just being a one dimensional thinker. 

[15:59] Core Values As a Way of Life

Another big thing in our family were, and still are, core values.

Core values are a way of life. Yes, I have my values written on a sign on our dining room wall, but if that sign got taken down, I have confidence in the fact of how Michael and I are choosing to live. I have confidence that our kids wouldn’t have to read it on the wall to know what their family stands for and what’s right and wrong because we’re living it or at least we’re doing our best to live it.

Those core values need to become a way of living and sometimes when we’re running a business, and we’re running a family, we forget to model those things. We get so caught up in the details that sometimes we stop living by those values, and we justify it because we have to move the business forward. But if our kids are witnessing us in business, and they are our shadow each and every day, do they see us modeling the values that we say are important to live by? 

[17:58] Focusing on Internal Validation

Growing up, I always admired my cousin’s for breaking the chains of needing to be liked or validated. 

I still struggle with this even today; I don’t want to be the one that people don’t like, I don’t want to be the one that’s called out or different. However, the older I get the more I take it as a sign that when there’s some resistance, I’m probably going in the right direction.

So, instead of that need to be liked or validated by others, we need to focus on seeking internal validation, having a finger on the pulse of your conscience, your morality and who you’re called to be. 

[20:12] Grounding in Faith

Growing up we all had such grounding in our faith. 

This allowed us to always know we were being guided, even through moments that were really hard. We knew what was right. We knew that we were going to be carried through it and that we were made strong enough for that moment. 

Helping our kids root in that takes a lot of the pressure off. You don’t have to have this feeling of “it’s all on me.” When we have that feeling of “it’s all on me”, we’re going to lean more towards doing whatever creates the least amount of resistance, which is going to have us being influenced by our environment.

When your kids are rooted in those core values, they know who they are and develop confidence. If you haven’t already, make sure you listen to Episode 47: 6 Secrets to Confident Kids, because all of these things that I’ve brought up today are confidence building things for us and our kids. 

[23:31] True North

A tool that will immensely change how you lead your children, how you live your life and how your family leads and lives is the True North tool. 

If you haven’t got your hands on it already, I’m going to challenge you to go to https://luminaryleadershipco.com/truenorth and download this free workbook. I can’t stress it enough, but it is one of the most powerful ways to start to shift how your kids are showing up in the world, how you are showing up in the world and how you’re modeling this for them.

I hope today’s episode gave you what you needed to help your family become the ones who are influencing their environment and not the one being influenced.

Make sure to rate and review our show on Apple Podcasts to enter our giveaway. Take a screenshot of the review and email it to [email protected].

Come connect with me on Instagram at @elizhartke and if there’s a topic, a question or a guest you want to hear on the show or an idea you have for us, just reach out and share that.

We do this for you so the more you tell us the more we can serve!


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