Episode 47: Raising Luminaries: 6 Secrets to Confident Kids

December 16, 2021


As business owners, no matter what level we’re at, we often struggle with imposter syndrome, desperation for worth, security, approval and validation. I think the answer to all those things ultimately boils down to having true confidence that’s innate. 

So (per usual) my mind goes straight to: how can we set our kids up to struggle less with this concept, because I believe that raising confident children and setting them up well for their future is absolutely possible. 

Confidence isn’t something that we’re just born with, or that just others struggle with, it’s something that we can learn and develop as we grow.

In today’s episode of Raising Luminaries, I share six secrets that can help you take action on helping your kids. 

Let’s raise them up right!


[3:20] Working on Confidence

Recently, I was having a conversation with one of my team members, Caitlyn, who was talking about her daughter and how she just had a parent-teacher conference earlier in the week. The feedback that she received was that she should work on confidence with her daughter because she almost always knows the answer and has it right, but she won’t volunteer to share that answer. 

How do we work on confidence in our kids? Because I know this is universal. I know that even people who have really high levels of success, experience it and I know that it does affect our children. So, if we can start this process at an early age, it can be something ingrained and learned throughout their years, versus something that has to be undone in their 30s.

[4:28] Trust in Their Choices 

Give your kids more chances to make decisions in their lives. 

This is going to help them start to trust themselves and their own judgment. It will also allow them to see that, when they make the wrong decision, they’re capable of rising up and figuring it out. Giving your kids opportunities to make choices and to trust their own choices will develop their confidence. 

There are endless ways you can do this; it can be as small as picking their own outfit or going shopping in the grocery store. Start small and add on to the list as they grow.

[7:03] They Will Fail…Often

Next, give them a space to fail.

Confidence comes from trying new things, failing (often) and continuing to move forward. How can our kids develop resilience if they live in a bubble without making any choices and we try to protect them from any possibility of failure?

As entrepreneurs, we know how often we make mistakes. It’s a daily occurrence and we learn from them in our business. Learning how to grow through the messes, at a young age, is going to go a long way for our children in their future successes. More importantly, it will go a long way in their future failures as well, because they’ll know how to keep moving forward, they will develop a level of confidence and toughness that can’t be beat.

[8:27] The Right Compliments 

It’s really easy for me to compliment my kids. I’m obsessed with them. I could literally say: Oh my gosh, you did such a good job sitting there doing nothing, because I think that highly of them. But, what are the right compliments that are going to help develop their confidence?

Sometimes, as parents, we can be  overly positive and give compliments often as a way to build up self-esteem. But, our children are smart, they can tell when we are just throwing empty compliments at them because we love them so much and because of that they may have a hard time realizing when their accomplishment is really worth celebrating.

Some of the things we can praise our kids for are: their level of effort, the progress that we’ve witnessed them making or their work ethic, their persistence, their resilience, how they got up even though they failed, etc. What you don’t want to do is compliment them on never making a mistake, on fixed abilities that we know won’t change or on doing something that they’re supposed to be doing anyway.

[11:39] Promoting Problem-Solving 

It is so tempting to rescue our kids, especially if they are older and their mistakes could lead to way bigger pitfalls. 

As a parent, you don’t ever want to see your kid go through something hard. But as your kids get older, the mistakes they could make could have a pretty significant ripple effect on their lives. You want to teach them how to think for themselves, and this in return will develop their confidence.

Now, I’m not saying be a hands-off parent and just sit back and let them fall flat on their face every single time. It is our job to instill values, to support them, to have the tough conversations and to be the shepherd in the process of raising them. So, try to find times when it’s appropriate to maybe bite your tongue or to ask them how they think they should handle the problem instead of interjecting automatically.

[13:09] The Spark

Something we talk about a lot at Luminary Leadership is the idea of nurturing your child’s spark. This is a concept that we’ve come up with where we want to expose our kids to a wide variety of activities to help them find what they love because kids who feel a sense of pride in their gifts and find their purpose start to feel more successful and more confident. 

We have an entire guide and process for free to help you cultivate those experiences, to draw out of your kids their unique gifting and to place them on a document, to track them and to help them nurture those things so that they can develop their levels of confidence. This is a hugely powerful tool and I can’t suggest it enough. 

So, go to https://luminaryleadershipco.com/spark/ to download your free guide because nurturing their spark is going to be one of the greatest ways to help them develop confidence.

[14:31] Dreaming Together

Finally, once you’ve identified those gifts, talk about what they dream of doing or what’s possible for someday. Share stories about how you, your spouse or other members of your family found their callings or are finding their callings. Explain to them what you are doing right now in real time to continue to tap into who you’re called to be. 

Seeing themselves doing something important and doing things that are fulfilling when they grow up is going to help them be more confident now. If they can see the path forward and see the purpose in their path, it helps them resonate with that and connect with that. 

We all want to raise these incredibly brilliant leaders and luminaries and confidence is one of the foundational elements of it. So if today’s episode spoke to you, download the Spark freebie at https://luminaryleadershipco.com/spark/ and walk through these processes to help develop the confidence within your own luminaries.

Come connect with me on Instagram at @elizhartke. And if there’s a topic, a question or a guest you want to hear on the show or an idea you have for us, just reach out and share that. We do this for you. So the more you tell us the more we can serve.


  • Get your Spark guide here!
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