Episode 59: Raising Luminaries: Building Connection with Your Kids

January 27, 2022


Today we’re talking about how we can really build and cultivate that connection with our kids. It’s something that, if I had to guess, is one of the biggest desires on your heart because it is one of the biggest desires on mine too. We start our business with them in mind even if they are not in existence yet, with this vision of having the freedom to be a present parent.

So, let’s get down to the core of it. How do we build that connection? No matter what their age is, no matter how many different directions we’re going in, no matter how stressful life is or how many different plates we’re spinning, you deserve…they deserve that deep rooted, real connection. 

Also, in today’s episode you will find a sneak peek on our up-coming in-person event for our fellow entrepreneurial parents who are raising Luminaries of their own!

Let’s raise them up right!


[2:16]  Is It Really For Them? 

Let me start by saying that I come in peace, but…I see a lot of posts of entrepreneurs, small business owners, influencers on social media, saying things like: everything mama does she does for you or everything daddy does is with you in mind. It’s this claim or this staking claim that all the hard work, all the blood, sweat and tears – it’s for you baby. 

I’m sure this is all super well-meaning and coming from the intention of how that entrepreneurial parent wants to do it, but here’s where I’ve put the challenge in front of any entrepreneur who has children: Is it really true? 

This is not a criticism. This is me walking through my own growth, acknowledging it and witnessing it. Is it true? Everything you’re doing, is it really for them? The dream might have been with them in mind, the vision might have been cultivated with them in mind, but the day-to-day, how we’re showing up, is it really for them or was it for us, but we convinced ourselves that it was for them so that we can reconcile all the moments we missed and the values that we’ve sacrificed along the way to get to where we are right now. And we look back and we wonder how the hell we got here, how did it get this bad?

[4:46] This is a Wake-up Call 

This is your wake-up call. 

This is a chance to do it differently. You have an opportunity to be better, to be more present, to show up for your kids in a way that it really is for them. The family is under attack in so many ways, but specifically in the space of entrepreneurship families because entrepreneurship families are falling apart. Because we live under this disillusionment of telling ourselves one thing, but living in a different reality. 

We’re juggling two worlds: parenthood and business, and oftentimes, innocently and unintentionally, we try to pause our kids as we say we’re doing it for them. We need to build in that connection with our kids and choose them in the chaos of this entrepreneurial life that we’ve chosen. 

You are not broken. You are made this way. You are made to be a parent, raising leaders, but also an entrepreneur raising up this mission that is going to go on to change future generations. That’s not a bad thing, but you have got to find your harmony. And this is how you do it.

[6:53] Determine Your Non-negotiables 

First, determine your non-negotiables.

This is kind of just building in your safety net. This can be nightly chat time with each of your kids individually, or rituals and questions you ask them on the way to school for just getting insight into their heart. But make these things a habit and stick to them so that you’re intentionally connecting with your kids each day.

Whatever it looks like for you, build in that space.

[7:27] Be Available and Distraction-Free 

The second idea is just to be available and distraction-free. 

These devices and the tools that we use are literally designed to be addictive. Shift your brain away from work at the same time that you shift away from the devices and build in some extra ways to be distraction free.

[8:59] Eat Your Meals Together

This seems so obvious, but the average family skips this step.

I find this to be where the most powerful conversations happen as well as connection points with our kids and modeling our marriage and allowing them to see my husband and I have conversation. We really prioritize this. We break bread together. There’s something powerful about eating a healthy meal, nourishing our body and thanking God for that food. We come together, we talk about the highs and the lows of our day, we talk about what’s coming next, we talk about things we’re happy or sad about. We share that special time over food. 

It’s a really powerful bonding experience.

[9:50] Check Your Energy 

Your children do not deserve for you to carry over the negative energy that often comes from the tough situations of leading, into the limited time and spaces they have with you. 

This is probably the hardest one for me. But it’s where I have to become hyper conscious of the energy I’m bringing into the spaces with them. 

One thing we teach them is that they are also responsible for the energy they bring into a situation. If they’re having a hard time, it’s up to them. It’s not that they can’t talk about it, it’s not that they can’t discuss it or share their emotions or say that they’re sad, but if they’re struggling, they can’t take it out on someone else or sit there and give the silent treatment. If they need to take an extra few minutes to get their mind right and get to a good place or talk for a minute and work through it and get help, that’s fine. But they aren’t allowed to come and be a grump through dinner. And it goes both ways. We can’t ask that of them as we bring the burdens of the day to the dinner table or we bring the burdens of the day to our playtime with our kids.

[13:32] Schedule and Honor Your Family Time

Put dates for family time on your calendar and treat them like you would treat a client, respect it.

I just mapped up my whole year and the first thing that went in was all family stuff because that’s my priority. We usually do it the other way around because of the demands of clients and meetings and we think it’s important, but is it really more important than our kids? 

So, family time, date nights, one-on-one time with each of the kids, that all goes into the calendar and it gets honored.

[14:20] Sneak Peek into Our In-Person Event 

Our in-person never-been-done-before event is coming soon!

It’s geared specifically towards you, the entrepreneur and the little (and big) leaders that you are raising. We will have more details coming out soon, but for now all I can tell you is that the spots are very limited for this event. It will go fast once we open it up. It will likely only be invite-only, so if you want first dibs as an entrepreneur who cares deeply about connecting with your kids and raising them in leadership and you want a one-of-a-kind experience that will be the catalyst for change in your home and in your business, make sure you get on our waitlist!

If today’s episode spoke to you, don’t forget to hit subscribe/follow on your favorite podcast player and rate and review the show. Come connect with me on Instagram at @elizhartke and don’t forget to get on our Camp Luminary Waitlist at  https://luminaryleadershipco.com/camp-luminary. And if there’s a topic, a question or a guest you want to hear on the show or an idea you have for us, just reach out and share that. We do this for you so the more you tell us the more we can serve.


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