Episode 127: Raising Luminaries: Are You Living in Alignment? Take This Self-Diagnosis

September 22, 2022


Raising kids and deeply caring about how they are actually raised (not just raising them to survive) while simultaneously growing a business and actually deeply caring about the possibility of success, can feel like a lot!

In these situations, peace can feel like a far off dream, not accessible to you because of the life you’ve chosen. But I would argue that entrepreneurial life has chosen you, you were designed for this.

So, how do you create that life of calm with and for your kids when you’re juggling so much?  Do you have to give up the career you love? Do you have to cut back? Do you have to take your foot off the gas? Is there just something broken in you or in your life that leaves you feeling like you’re constantly spinning? 

Well, we’re going to talk about it in today’s episode.

Let’s raise them up right!


[2:27] Diagnosing the Problem

Today’s episode is all about diagnosing the problem. 

You are called to be what we call a family-first entrepreneur, where you can be absolutely a successful entrepreneur, growing and scaling your business without you having to give more and more of yourself. But there’s a way to get there, and it doesn’t mean sacrificing your peace.

As a family and as a company, we have been through a lot of seasons over the last decade where we’ve felt like we’ve captured the peace we crave. And then conversely, there have been seasons where we felt totally out of alignment. 

And there are different symptoms that come out of both ways of living. So let’s do a little self diagnosis, shall we? I want to share what comes up for us both on the business side of things and the personal side with the family. And according to our research over the last 10+ years, these are also the same symptoms that our clients face. So we know this is not just unique to us, we know that this is what others go through.

[5:12] Business Side of Things

So, let me walk you through some of the symptoms that we experience on the business side of things when we’re not congruent with our values and when we’re not living in accordance with who we’re called to be:

  1. First one is obvious – it’s stress. We’re taking on too many things at once. We’re not feeling like we’re moving the needle in any particular way. And we justify the stress. 
  2. The other thing is our team culture is out of balance. We notice friction, people feel burnt out, they’re not happy. And that becomes very apparent, and that bleeds into the work.
  3. Also, a big one that I’ve noticed for myself and a lot of my clients is I lose my confidence in my leadership. During the seasons, I question every move I make, I doubt myself, I second guess the decisions I’ve made. I stay in a place of total decision fatigue, where I can’t make a decision. And I can’t clearly identify the right what or how or when. 
  4. That then changes my schedule which becomes slammed and I lose any and all of the margin I should have to work on the business, not just in it.
  5. As a result of this, the future becomes really unclear to me. I get disconnected from our vision as a company, and then I even get disconnected from our vision as a family.
  6. Eventually things start slipping through the cracks, because we’re just putting out fires all the time. And then burnout decides to show up to the party, because we’re tired and we’re doing all the things. Soon, the joy starts to fade from the work we’re doing and then we start to develop this victim mentality.

[7:59] Personal Side of Things

Then of course, that’s never contained from leaking its way into our home. Because when we’re not honoring how we want to show up and live, it directly affects what’s happening in our family, too. So here are some of the symptoms that show up there for us:

  1. Again, stress, which leads to friction in our marriage and more arguing, and then physical and mental exhaustion, because it’s exhausting to be stressed. 
  2. And then my least favorite one – hurry. Hurry becomes our mantra and our mode of operating where we work and then we have just enough time to throw dinner together and then get the kids off to bed.
  3. Because of that, we have a cluttered or messy house because we don’t have the time and space to address those things. 
  4. Then we get this feeling of living for the weekends. But then the weekends themselves are either stressed because you have to catch up on everything or they’re super gluttonously lazy because you just need to numb out.
  5. Our kids start acting out because they want more of us. And they want more than our physical presence, they want our mental and emotional presence too.
  6. A lot of times in these seasons, we get sick. Everyone inevitably gets some annoying cold that lingers for a month, and gets passed around from person to person. And it’s just so frustrating.

[11:03] The Good Symptoms  

So, you might be wondering – what is the possibility here then? Well, in doing the work that we’re going to walk you through over the next couple of weeks, through our research and our supporting a lot of clients like you, I can tell you that there is so much possibility. You are only a couple of small tweaks and a short window of time away from living a completely different life. 

I want to describe to you some of the symptoms you can feel when you live that different life:

  1. More flow states where you just get in a groove and  you’re coming alive doing this work. When you’re in the right state, and you’re operating in a way that is in congruence with your values, it is allowing you to continue to grow and evolve.
  2. Next, your team will be well oiled, having fun, and energized. That culture comes back the way you want it.
  3. You become more confident in your leadership. The mission is clear, the values are intact. 
  4. Your schedule reflects this. There’s a lot of whitespace to contemplate and to create.
  5. Then you start to see and feel the momentum, you’re not putting out fires all day long. You’re doing the things that are actually driving the mission forward and your numbers reflect that. 
  6. You don’t have the victim mindset anymore. You still encounter problems because you can’t get rid of those, but they’re less and when they arise, they’re quickly and effectively solved.
  7. There is just more joy, a lighter schedule, more productivity, and more done in less time.

And on the family side of things:

  1. Your marriage gets better and you start working as a team. 
  2. You’re energized and your kids are more connected to you and each other and they’re arguing less. 
  3. Your weekends are relaxing and purposeful and your weeks also have this ease to them that didn’t exist before. 
  4. There’s less illness in your home, generally speaking, and your house is a little more organized.
  5. You’re actually looking ahead at the vision and have a better perspective as a family. 

[16:07] Clarity 

So, what is the differentiator that sets apart the stressed entrepreneur and that family-first entrepreneur? It’s one word – clarity. Today was a necessary diagnostic, because the reality is that a lot of people can sustain like this for decades, all the while thinking they have bad luck or will eventually have their breakthrough. So, awareness is so critical. 

And I’m going to go way deeper into our story personally, and how we turned it around in the next few weeks. I’m so excited to share the series kicking off next week to help you find clarity in your life that will unlock the door to peace and prosperity, and allow you to step into the vision and plan that will equally serve your success in business and your success at home.

I talked a lot about being in congruence with your values and if you don’t know what they are or you don’t know what your priorities are in this season, go to and do that work before you tune in next week. 

I hope this episode helps you diagnose if you are living in alignment so that you can become that family-first entrepreneur, raise your family the way you want to raise them and have your business reflect that.

We would love it if you would subscribe and leave us a review! And come connect with me on Instagram at @elizhartke and if there’s a topic, a question or a guest you want to hear on the show or an idea you have for us, just reach out and share that.

We do this for you so the more you tell us the more we can serve!


  • To get clear on your values, check out our Luminary Leadership True North. Do it before you tune in next week!
  • Did this episode resonate with you? Help spread the message by rating and leaving a review for the show here!
  • Connect with me on Instagram!

Add a comment
+ show Comments
- Hide Comments



The 30-minute, step-by-step guide to gain clarity, get out of the weeds of your business, and get more needle moving things done in way less time.

get me focused!

On the Air

The Luminary Leadership Podcast

We take the guesswork out of unlocking your full potential as an entrepreneur. We'll give you the secrets to make more money, create more freedom, and have more margin, all while still making your family a priority...

tune in

Our Services

We love serving ambitious entrepreneurs like you who are ready to break through to their next level of potential in business, leadership, and live. This is how we do it!


Browse By Category

Business Strategy




Emails people are clamoring over and talking about... 

You're no ordinary leader. You're building your dream differently — with your values and family in tact, and your potential uncorked! This is the spot where I share the super personal stuff to the behind-the-scenes of what works (and what doesn't) in our business. It's also where we can chat!

See ya in the inbox!

Join the No Ordinary
Leader Community


Creating Influential Leaders in Entrepreneurship: BTS + big news only shared to my insiders!