The thrill of being green again
And the plague of maintaining what is
I became pretty accustomed to measuring both my wins and my personal value based on maintaining my “success status” in life.
In my mind, I liken it to being a proud frequent flier with the requirement of traveling a certain amount of miles each year to keep your standing. If you don’t, you dip down the proverbial food chain. Recognition revoked, access denied, warm towelettes taken away. Oh, the horror! And God forbid you fly another airline where you haven’t racked up the points – to the back with the other peasants!
That’s what my entrepreneurial life became. For a decade plus, the inner drive that once motivated me to fight for growth, learning, and the love of the game was replaced with a flaccid, fear based white knuckling to stay where I was. The result was the illusion of growth (constant pursuing) when it was really just a treadmill sprint to maintain what was. Instead of putting myself in scenarios where I was being challenged to grow, change, and learn like I once loved to do, I was more focused on keeping up appearances as someone who had it all figured out. The end result? Stagnation, exhaustion, and a big ‘ol void where inspiration once lived.
I had the illusion of growth when in reality I was just sprinting to maintain what was
This idea was a bedrock I didn’t even realize I was building upon for the better part of a decade, until I found myself face-to-face with a reality that I couldn’t suppress any longer.
Seven months ago, I gave birth to our sixth child, which is a treasure I’ll never take for granted. Two years prior, I gave birth to our fifth child – a stillborn baby boy – and I didn’t know if I’d ever get the opportunity to bring another life into this world.
So when our sweet Gabi-Lou was born this time around, it all felt intensely different for me.
My plan was to take a real maternity leave, which as a self-employed business owner can feel like a bit of a luxury. But we planned well for it, preparing our team, our clients, and content, so I could be fully present with our chubby little cutie for a few months.
But something unusual happened as I neared the end of my leave…
Typically an all-gas-no-breaks kind of girl with a heart for growth, especially in the realm of business, I kept feeling these nudges (more like shoves, honestly) not to just pick up where I left off. At first, I ignored the pangs in the hopes that they were just hormones and would level out as I found my postpartum rhythm, but alas… no. They did no such thing. If anything, they intensified.
It wasn’t a nudge to shut everything down.
It was more like continual thoughts in my prayer time with God to prune away what was no longer on His path for me.
Now, you should know this about me… I do not like to break a streak. And for the last eight years I had not missed one single week in releasing my podcast, which had been growing, especially as of late, yet it was coming through clear as a bell…
God: Stop.
Me: Okay, stop the podcast for now. Got it. I don’t love it, but I can do that for a bit I guess.
God didn’t stop there, though. For the last twelve years I had run a very successful business mastermind that also happened to be a massive revenue stream within our company. I love my mastermind and already had people who paid to secure their spot before the next round. Yet, there I was hearing – again, very clearly from God – not this year. Pause it.
Me: Seriously, God? Pause the mastermind? You good, bro? It’s kind of what we’re known for and we already have revenue generated via the mastermind for this next year.
God: Pause it and refund them.
Me: Okay, then. I guess we can shift our focus towards our premiere clients and contracts in this season. We have taken on a dream partnership with one my all time favorite best-selling authors and speakers, someone who I’ve admired for years, and it is a very (very, very, very) lucrative contract. I’ll just put my focus there, I guess.
God: That, too. Don’t renew. Pause it.
Me: Cool, cool, God. Love your creativity and everything, but maybe you’re going a little heavy-handed with these pruning sheers, you know?
God: Hear me, trust me, follow me.
Me: Awesome. Yup, sounds great. So what are you asking me to do in its stead? Ooooo, I know! I bet you’re going to close the deal on one of those other mega-contracts we’ve been negotiating! That will be fun! Or a podcasting deal with a network?! That’s what I’m talking about! Or are you putting me back on the speaking circuit this year? I can be down with that. Those are all my jam!
Nope. None of those, actually.
God:
Re-write the book.
Glorify me with your calling on video.
Glorify me with your calling in writing.
For free.
Me: Can you repeat that, please, God? I think we might have a faulty connection. I could have sworn I just heard you tell me to re-write the book I already wrote that is already generating zero revenue for us because it’s not yet published, to start a free Youtube channel from scratch, and to write even more on a brand new platform I know nothing about (Substack) for free?
God: Yes, that.
Me: Have you been turning water into wine again?
God: Do it.
So here I am, for the first time in years, my metaphorical frequent flier status stripped away, in the back row of the plane right next to the bathroom, allowing myself to be green again.
I’ve written in Forbes, Fast Company, Entrepreneur… and now here I am searching “how to do that Substack thing”.
I’ve created high-producing funnels and taken stages alongside some of my heros, and now here I am troubleshooting “how to start a YouTube channel”.
And as uneasy – and honestly, annoyed – as I was by God’s clear instruction into new territory, I totally get it now. And actually, I love it!
First and foremost, I needed a little humbling. I needed to have my knees kicked out from under me for a minute and my head surgically removed from my anal cavity to see that I’m not that important, and I needed to stop trying to protect the illusion that I was. I didn’t know I was doing that, in my defense, but my holding tighter to my reputation than my purpose proved otherwise. It helped me tune back in with the hungry, passionate version of me who was completely open to divine providence in my life.
I was holding tighter to my reputation than my purpose.
Secondly, I needed to allow myself to be green again. To start at zero. To try and fail a bit. To feel the sting of a swing and a miss that teaches you exactly how to adjust your swing for next time.
And third, I needed a redirect. I was feverishly writing a book about hearing God’s call for your life and stepping courageously into your Big Next, as I was trying to protect “good enough” in my own life in the process. Hypocrisy at its finest.
Here’s an honorary mention, too… I needed to have fun again! I felt myself come alive as I stripped my how-I-thought-a-book-should-be manuscript down to the studs and wrote from a place of total conviction! God – in His true to form way – has almost immediately started opening doors and bringing the right people into my life to shepherd me. We just had our YouTube team fly out to our house and what started as learning and filming, turned into deep friendships centered around faith. And I’m finding my rhythm and home here on Substack with zero pressure to perform.
With each “yes”, I’ve felt God’s hand gently on my back, reassuring me as I step into the unknown.
As He promises, He has provided (both spiritually and financially) in ways that deserve their own article here soon enough.
Although I don’t have the full picture, and probably never will, I have a renewed sense of where God has wanted me to be for some time now, and I’m settling in nicely. More peace, more clarity, more passion, more deep relationships, more faith, more family, more provision. I like it here.
And if any part of your has – knowingly or unknowingly – kept that death grip tight on “good”, but you’re ready to make space for God-level “great”…
I really hope you’ll join me.
Love + Prayers
Liz
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