Episode 49: Raising Luminaries: Encouraging Resiliency

December 23, 2021


This is one of the most important pieces to the Raising Luminaries puzzle. Teaching our kids to keep getting back up, to develop a level of toughness that allows them to forge ahead despite everything life is bound to throw at them, will automatically set them apart from their peers. Because today’s culture does not teach this; toughness is not currently a virtue, resilience is not valued. 

In today’s episode of Raising Luminaries, we go over what this looks like, what role we play in it and how can we encourage resilience throughout the years with our children?

Let’s raise them up right!


[1:53] Help Them Not Lose Mobility 

I played a lot of sports growing up, mostly basketball, and I would roll my ankles constantly. This was just my MO from when I was really young, all the way up through when I played varsity. Sometimes it would result in a pretty major sprain, but most of the time, it was a minor sprain and the best medicine was movement. But, there were times when I would maybe want to get out of the sprints that were happening in practice or something, and I’d treat a minor sprain like a major one and pretty soon the stiffness would start to set in. That minor sprain would start to mirror what a major one would do, the pain would show up and I’d lose momentum in both my ankle but also in my world, things would start to slow down.

We have the opportunity as parents to help our kids not lose that mobility. I’m not talking about their ankle, I’m talking about the mobility in themselves, to see how they can just keep going when they encounter those moments that hurt. Raising well-adjusted, strong children who know they can overcome challenges, is one of the greatest gifts we can give our kids.

[4:50] Support and Self-Control 

A study out of Harvard found that the most powerful differentiator between kids who did develop resilience in life and were able to recover more quickly after challenges and those who did not, was that the ones who did had a strong stable connection with a supportive parent (that’s us!).

Supporting our children as they navigate through adversity (they not us) and helping them build the adaptive skills to do that, makes a world of difference in how they develop. Other factors that matter in the process are working with our kids and modeling self-control. 

[5:54] What Resilience Looks Like

When something painful happens, when we encounter a challenge, that self-control allows the time to figure out what resilience would look like. When we get frustrated, does it lead to an outburst or do we take the time to be methodical in how we respond to that thing?

There are so many massive teaching moments with our kids everyday that we miss or even mess up because we try to stop the pain as quickly as we can for them or we try to fix it for them.

[11:45] The Right Perspective 

Resilience comes from a stable, strong, trusted and supportive connection with a parent so before your kid goes into a tantrum mode when something bad happens, you have a chance to offer some perspective and a reminder that they only have control only over themselves and how they react in that moment. 

Sometimes when our kids are about to go into a tantrum mode or they’re freaking out over something, we ask them: “Is this a big deal or a little deal?” We’ve already talked about what are the things that are big deals and what are things that are little deals, we’ve helped them identify the difference so that they can see that gap between the two. We’ve also explained to them that it might feel like a big deal, but feelings can be really deceiving. So just offering them some perspective can be really helpful in that process. 

Raising resilient kids is not just the right thing to do. It is one of the greatest treasures you will ever give your children because life is bound to give them moments where they feel broken down…but they make the choice to get up and keep going, they make the choice to fight for what they want. So, let’s raise Luminaries who see the good in challenge, who adapt quickly and are ready to face the world!

If today’s episode spoke to you, don’t forget to hit follow on your favorite podcast player and rate and review the show. Come connect with me on Instagram at @elizhartke. And if there’s a topic, a question or a guest you want to hear on the show or an idea you have for us, just reach out and share that. We do this for you. So the more you tell us the more we can serve.


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