ARE YOU A DREAMER AND VISIONARY BUT YOUR SPOUSE IS A REALIST AND MORE DETAIL-ORIENTED?
OR VICE VERSA, YOU ARE THE DETAIL-ORIENTED AND TASK DRIVEN ONE WHILE YOUR SPOUSE IS DREAMING BIG?
Well, this episode is for you if you want to learn how you can get on the same page and work together!
I tend to attract a lot of dreamers, visionaries and thought leaders to my show and my content. So, if you are the creative engine of your business, but have either a spouse or significant other that doesn’t necessarily operate the same way, today’s episode is all about how to get on the same page as your person as you dream big and they tend to lean into their realism, their details, their pro/con lists that kind of suck the joy out of the experience of dreaming big. This can be a dividing point in a marriage.
But because we know the power of people working together and really leveraging each other’s strengths, I am going to help you because this is something my husband and I had to do and have to continually do because I’m the dreamer and he’s the details guy.
So listen in to find out how you can work together to achieve your goals and dreams!
IN THIS EPISODE, WE COVER:
[2:34] How Do You Suggest Dreaming Big to Your Spouse?
I had a client join my Incubator, a very successful entrepreneur, who had an incredibly good question – how do you suggest dreaming big to your spouse when their mind doesn’t work the same way? Sometimes I share with her and she gets stuck in realism, and I like to focus on what could be.
When I read that question from him, I realized that this is something Michael and I have to deal with multiple times a week – I’m coming up with new, crazy ideas constantly and he is the details guy who figures out how to actually get things done. But he is a realist as well, and sometimes it leaves me feeling like he is sucking the joy out of a moment that I would typically thrive on.
[4:30] The Idea
This company and this podcast, all of the programs we’re creating and all the people we’re serving, would not exist had I not fought against my response to my husband’s responses about it. A little over two years ago, I was hit with this lightning bolt of an idea – this mission. So, I pulled out a notebook and, faster than I’ve ever written before, I scribbled across eight pages of notebook paper. And then I just sat there staring at it, wondering why God was pulling me into something new or different when things were going really well in that season businesswise.
And so, like with any of my ideas, I could hardly wait to bring it to my person, to Michael…but I didn’t really prepare my heart for what would happen next.
[8:30] Bruised heart
Of course, he went right into the details. And my heart got so bruised. I closed my notebook and stormed out of there, and I was giving him the cold shoulder for the rest of the day. I couldn’t believe that in a moment where I was so heightened and my purpose was literally just placed in front of me, he had the gall to try and talk about the details. So, I closed that notebook and I put it in my drawer for a year and a half.
[10:45] Working Together
I’ve learned so much since that day, about Michael’s gifts as well as my own and how we can work together.
First: when I was going to Michael with my idea I placed this expectation on him that he was going to be like me at that moment. And when he didn’t show up like me at that moment (which is not who he is) I was bruised by that.
Second thing: I was interpreting him going into details and questioning things as him poking holes in my hot air balloon, letting my dream die. In retrospect and in communicating with my husband, he has enlightened me and showed me that’s his way of helping me build the roadmap to make it happen. So, ask for what you want.
It is amazing how in a marriage when you learn to communicate, when you learn to actually ask for what it is you want, it’s amazing how that can come to life. So, step one is knowing your own strengths and the strengths of your partner and acknowledging them. The second step is to leverage those strengths.
[20:25] Honoring Each Other’s Gifts
If you aren’t totally clear on where you stand or where your spouse stands, you can use tools to help you identify what those strengths really are and how you guys fit in those gaps.
One that I love the most right now (and I wish this was an ad because it’s that great) is The Working Genius Assessment by Patrick Lencioni. It’s not just about your strengths, it’s about your genius and there’s a difference – someone can be really good at something, but it doesn’t bring them joy and it doesn’t allow them to get in a state of flow. The Working Genius is great for marriage, Michael and I both took it and found that we are literally polar opposites and now we honor those things. Now we’re looking at in terms of how we operate within our business together, but also in our marriage and with our kids.
[22:47] True North
We have a tool, a resource that will help with this process from a value standpoint. It is an actual process that we work through called Creating Your True North as a family. We have a free workbook that’s going to really revolutionize how you operate as a family, so that it makes it easier to discern those big ideas and what’s right for your family and what’s right for you as a couple.
[23:57] Communication is Key
Like with all things in a relationship, one of the most critical things you can do is just communicate. And sometimes it hurts when the response is x, y and z, but ask them if there is a better way that you can show up in your relationship with your crazy big ideas, what would make it better for them to receive those, to be in them with you. But then, ultimately, how can you leverage their gifts that you are acknowledging. And if you’re a details person you can have that same conversation with your visionary and ask them what it is they need. Have open communication, have open dialogue and really leverage each other’s strengths.
RESOURCES FROM THIS EPISODE:
- Grab free coffee on us! All you have to do is write a review and give us a 5-star rating on Apple Podcasts, take a screenshot and email it to [email protected]. That’s it! As a thank you, we will send you a gift card for a free coffee 🙂 You have from Monday, 9/20- Sunday, 9/26, to send the email for free coffee.
- The Working Genius Assessment
- True North Workbook
- Connect with me on Instagram!
